Total Abandonment

Perhaps you have never experienced that state of mind in which there is total abandonment of everything, a complete letting go. And you cannot abandon everything without deep passion, can you? You cannot abandon everything intellectually or emotionally. There is total abandonment, surely, only when there is intense passion. Don’t be alarmed by that word, because a man who is not passionate, who is not intense, can never understand or feel the quality of beauty. The mind that holds something in reserve, the mind that has a vested interest, the mind that clings to position, power, prestige, the mind that is respectable, which is a horror—such a mind can never abandon itself.


I’ve decided I’m not going to have an opinion on anything anymore. Opinions breed division. I’m just going to live my life and not worry about any of it. The world doesn’t need another opinion.


“Foreign policy analysts largely celebrated this concentration of power in the executive branch, and prior to Trump, their logic seemed solid. They pointed to the public’s ignorance of and Congress’lack of interest in international relations. As political gridlock and polarization took hold, elected Democrats and Republicans viewed foreign policy as merely a plaything for the next election. And so most foreign policy elites viewed the president as the last adult in the room.

What they failed to plan for was the election of a president who displays the emotional and intellectual maturity of a toddler. As a candidate, Trump gloried in beating up on foreign policy experts, asserting that he could get better results by relying on his gut. As president, he has governed mostly by tantrum. He has insulted and bullied U.S. allies. He has launched trade wars that have accomplished little beyond hurting the U.S. economy. He has said that he trusts Russian President Vladimir Putin more than his own intelligence briefers. His administration has withdrawn from an array of multilateral agreements and badmouthed the institutions that remain. The repeated attacks on the EU and NATO represent a bigger strategic mistake than the invasion of Iraq. In multiple instances, his handpicked foreign policy advisers have attempted to lock in decisions before the president can sabotage them with an impulsive tweet. Even when his administration has had the germ of a valid idea, Trump has executed the resulting policy shifts in the most ham-handed manner imaginable.”

– Daniel W. Drezner, “This Time Is Different- Why US Foreign Policy Will Never Recover”. Published in ‘Foreign Affairs’ May/June 2019 Edition.

A quiet space

Sometimes, I get physically exhausted from talking to people. It is the curse of the introvert. I have built up some social skills over the years. It’s not like I am without ability. A few quips remembered. A bit of banter- keep the conversation moving, try to sound animated, ask others about themselves, the usual small talk skillset.

But if extroverts are recharged by social connections, there is no way I am one of them. A lie down, a long walk, a quiet room. Anything to feel human again.

We all need a quiet space from time to time. The brain feeds off the infinite, and it needs to be quiet to tune in.


As someone in recovery, I have had long term, ongoing issues with trying to lose weight and stop craving carbohydrates. One thing I have observed, and I’m not sure what the solution is, is that when I am tired, I don’t care. I just don’t care.